THE OOZE
Known throughout the land as Spamster reserves, and that’s just the fans.
Agent-to-the-Z-list-stars Barry Earn sold the club to Italian businessman Alphabetti Spaghetti, and things rapidly went tits up for the boys from Birdbrain Road. Now in League One after winning the League Two, but with a fans group now in charge.
The Z-list Ooze, who have been starved of success in recent years, apart from play-off failure 1999, and again in 2001, finally scraping into old Division Three in 2006, and then blowing the playoffs yet again in 2014. Disastrous relegation followed in 2015, after Brussel Slade left, Kevin Nutjob took the helm, got moved downstairs, Mauro Mouse then Fabio Liversausage followed. Managers came and went, and Division Five came and stayed, with ex SUFC superhero Justin Edingurgh taking the Oozers up in 2018-19.
Barry Earn had been instrumental in developing the Mushroom Stadium, a new stand having been constructed over the old car-park, 2 stands collapsing under the weight of expectation.
The new West stand was completed in 2005, a sort of Reverse-Tardis, and looks good until you realise there’s hardly any seats. Not that they’ll be needed.
Birdbrain Road finally entering the 21st Century in 2007 when Barry noticed that other grounds actually have FOUR stands.
Every season sees the wearing of another new kit, after the humiliating efforts of recent times, when in order to save money, Ooze players have taken to the field in a red and white checked shirts made from tablecloths salvaged from a fire damage sale at a transport café in Walthamstow…
Ooze fans who reply that the shirts were the same as the Croatian National side are absolutely right, although Croatia’s shirts are from a café in Zagreb.
History
Second hand kits and shoddy stadiums have always been the norm for the Oozers, since they were formed in 1931 by Lesney Toy factory workers.
Playing on Hackney Marshes proved problematical, hence near bancruptcy in 1937 when 20 players went down with Malaria, a Spanish whore from Leytonstone.
A new ground was needed, and when the Birdbrain Sanitarium site came up for sale in 1951, local hemmaroid specialist Oliver Goodlook gave over the freehold of the cess-pit and sewage treatment area to the club. Added to the compost site used when building Coronation Gardens, plus the folding of a mushroom growers site in Buckinghell Road, enough land was available to construct the original Mushroom Stadium in Birdbrain Road.
There was not enough money to properly decontaminate the site, hence the pungent odour at the ground even now.
2019 and tragedy struck as Justin Edinburgh passed away after leading the Ooze to promotion. The football family wish all the best to Justin’s family as they try to come to terms with his passing. Prawnzone and all SUFC fans are shocked and saddened and our thoughts are with Justin’s family and friends, and the Orient supporters.