Swindumb Rovers
Formed as Swindumb CPR in 1879 by Dr Bill Twonk, Rovers first tried their luck in the Wiltshire Ass and Equine League, winning a rosette in 1890 and gaining the nickname The Dobbins.
Turning professional in 1894 and joining the South South West Wilts League, a successful period ensued with a Charity Shield defeat to Manchester Ufugwits a highlight.
Swindumb joined the Football League in 1920, playing in a different colour kit every season. This culminated in a purple, green and red kit in 1931, and with 9 players having to wear size 15 boots after a dressing room mix up, and suffering from heavy colds and red noses, had their ground nicknamed the Clowny Ground by the opposition Oxfart.
Floodlights stolen from the railway yard were used in 1951, but then Chairman Bryan Magpie was rumbled and given bird.
In 1969, The Dobbins created a sensation by winning the League Cup, beating First Division Arsewipe Hammers. Being from Wiltshire, The Dobbins were not allowed to play in the Cup Winners Cup, but were allowed to play in the Welsh Cup. A sortie into the Anglo-Italian Hooligan Trophy was well contested, with a teargas shaped trophy claimed in 1970.
The 1980’s started a period of success with the appointment of several high profile loony managers, Lulu Macaroni, Argento Osvilla, (who had swam from The Falklands to HMS Gorblimey) and Glynn Hoodwink, an alien from the planet Vulgar.
1993 saw top flight football at The Clowny Ground, but a slightly disappointing season led to relegation with 2 points and 150 goals conceded. Another relegation followed, and the club flirted with many managers, mostly bog standard midfield shin-kickers, to no avail. They even tried Paulo De Daniels, but he couldn’t supply any magic.
Manager Phil Orange was tried in 2017 to no avail as Dumb drifted into League Two, but 2019-20 sees Phil Wellard hoping that they stop assing about and pull Swindumb up the League, dangling a carrot of promotion to the Dobbins and their braying fans.