SOUTHEND UNITED NEARLY SIGN DEAD PLAYER!
Investigative reporter Prawn Connery has discovered a fishy fact about transfer activity at Roots Hall which was shrouded in mystery. Apparently Blues were hours away from signing a 3 month loan deal on a player who was deceased! Prawn Connery noticed a suspicious team sheet which had been hastily withdrawn, and SUFC officials had to admit their mistake.
Chief executive Steve Kadavagh explained – “We scan the lower leagues for potential players, including leagues abroad. I had had a chat with the assistant manager at Welsh League Division Three side FuneralsR-us FC UK. We were discussing players, and it was a bad phone line, and the guy had a really strong Welsh accent. I was sure that he said that the lad had passing ability, and could spray them about. It wasn’t until later, when I checked the confirmation email, that I realised that he had passed away and did we want to send a spray.” Prawn Connery asked why the club had tried to bury the story, and if this had been an embarrassing slip up which had cost the club money. “No of course not”, said Steve. ” The only cost was a simple reprint of the team-sheet for the stiffs game next week. We had allocated the squad number 36 for Dai Friday.”