Comatose City
Originally formed in 1888 from workers at the Mingers wig factory, named Mingers HairUnetted and playing in pink hairshirts, the team played their games at Syrup and Fig Stadium. The ground was the first League ground to be all seater, 5,000 capacity, all the seats being recliners, and became known as a good place for a quiet snooze. Chairwoman Lady Godelpus famously raised funds for the Mingers by riding a horse around the city naked apart from a long wig. Unfortunately the stunt was cut short when the wig caught in a tram door and gave Lady Godelpus severe minge burns.
Renamed as Sedentary City, Cadaver City, then finally Comatose City, the “Sky-watchers”, so named because of their long ball style of play (helped by the recliner seats), joined the Football League in 1919. A period in Division Three Central followed, with a hair-raising flirt with re-election and then a championship winning season in 1936.
After the war a quiet, period ensued, with demotion to Division Four achieved, until exciting and talkative Bruce Forsyth impersonator Jimmy Chinwag became manager in the sixties, and led them to the Div Three title with a 1-0 thrashing of Colchestaaargh EweNightly.
Promotion to Division One followed, and the Sky Watchers stayed under the radar in the top flight for 30 plus years, the FA even allowed the unfashionable City to stay in the Premier League as a wild card “Last match on Match Of The Day” consolation place. An unexpected FA Cup Final win against Tottering Hotspunk has been voted ” The classic yawn inducer” by several dozy London based journalists. The same year saw the club also win the FA Youth Cup, when 7 first teamers shaved off their moustaches and leg hair and squeezed themselves into tight shorts (To watch the game, not play).
The millennium led to relegation, and the club decided to celebrate with a move to a new state of the art stadium. The Ricochet Arena opened to great acclaim and huge debt, and was taken over by hedge trimming impresario Phil Ransomnote, ex lead singer of rock bang Genysys who had reached No1 with “Si-Su-Susudio.”
Financial problems and relegation to the third tier, led to Comatose playing home games at the SixPack Stadium, home of NorthPizza MacTown KFC. 2015 and City rebounded back to the Ricochet Arena ,bounced into Division Four and back to Div Three , then scraped into the Championship thanks to a world-wide pandemic in 2020.
2023, Currently holding their own in the Championship, and trying to….. umm ….. zzzzz